i came on here with the intention to type layer after layer of carefully constructed sentences that when put together, details how i feel and have been feeling. but when i started to type, i started to backspace right at the same time.
sometimes things just get in your head and messes with your mind and you think that you can just push it out of your mind but the mind is a very complex thing. and as a result, we have become extremely complex people. it’s like the mind maps they used to make you do when you were a kid. it was supposed to help you think and write better stories. so you start with a single word and it branches out into tons of words of different colours and then it becomes sentences and graphic pictures and soon enough, you have filled the length and breath of your paper and you have to stick on a new piece with tape.
we can try to not think about the things that hurt us or make us weak but the mind becomes a map that branches into several subject matters and before you know it, you have to not think about alot of things and it makes you tired. but you force yourself to because nothing is more tiring than having to pick yourself up after you stumble on a wave of thoughts that hit you like a big yellow school bus and send you reeling from the shock in tears.
and usually, on days like that, it is enough to sleep. but recently, my mind has been living in dopaminergic overdrive and it lives while i sleep. it takes my thoughts and manifests into dreams. i believe it’s not called insomnia if you do not want to sleep.
so here i am. a poor interpretation of a girl, a human being.
– Adapted by Jaslyn
i don’t know if you know, but, i love each and every of your entries, and, i would love to share this with my friends. this pretty much sums up how i feel. i miss you.