What most people don’t understand about sadness is that it is a valid emotion that everyone feels.
Admit it, how many of us have ever felt sadness creep round the back of our necks and shrug it off because misery loves company and we didn’t want to be someone who shared sadness across the table.
Ever since I could remember, I have always felt sadness. I cried when animals died on the Nat Geo channel. I cried when my parents bickered. I cried when fictional characters in books died. I cried when couples in movies couldn’t be together.
Heck! I cried like a baby during Titanic! (Who doesn’t, duh)
Since young, I knew I’ve always been that strange girl. But instead of embracing who I am, I morphed into someone that everyone wanted me to be.
I painted sadness away from my collection of faces. Maybe if I appear happy, I’d have more friends. Maybe boys might fall for me. Maybe people will start liking me. Hey all the pretty girls seems happy, maybe happy would make me gorgeous just like them.
But life is strange and you can run but you can never hide. And sadness always found me no matter how far I fled.
Over the last few years, I relocated sadness by investing time into the different boys I’ve dated. Sadness and loneliness tend to come in a pair and by being in and out of relationships, I attempted to fill the void that came to describe who I am.
The last straw occurred some time in February last year. I was in a relationship with a man I didn’t love yet never sought enough courage to break free because I was bounded by commitment and how much I’ve come to depend on him.
(And the best advice I can ever give to someone is don’t try a relationship just because the people around you feel things might work out because they are not the ones who face the consequences or lead your life, so never. Never ever let anyone dictate or influence your relationship.)
So I did what I needed to do.
To love myself because how can one expect someone to love you when you don’t even love or cherish who you are.
And over the last one year, I fought my way through loneliness and sadness.
Sometimes, it can be real easy to fall right back into the pattern of relying on someone/something that serves no purpose other than to ease the night. This war is an uphill battle and I stumble but I press on relentlessly.
What I have found is that sadness and happiness, like day and night, coexists. And just because you feel lonely tonight doesn’t justify that you are alone in this world. Or that it means you need to cut yourself or end your life.
Sadness is a valid emotion. And no matter how happy people seem on the surface, a certain loneliness lurks right behind those eyes.
Sadness is a valid emotion. But remember that with yin, there is yang. And if sadness is valid, so is happiness. It’s all just a flip of a coin.