Everyone Smiles With That Invisible Gun To Their Head

I keep staring at my blank screen willing words to spew out of this wretched mouth but though the heart is bursting at its seams; the mind is unable to conjure the right sentences to portray this unmistakable feeling of discomfort and unease.

People around me look at me and ask, are you tired?

And all I can do is nod my head and say, yes I am.

But they never know that insomnia once again slips right next to my body as I sleep. He warms me up and does not leave me room to sleep.

I wake up tired and at night, my eyes turn bright like the owl. This cycle repeats and it is vicious. But what more can I do?

The sky has been dull lately. It threatens to rain but most of the time it holds it all in.

It is a striking resemblance to​ the space between my mind body and soul. That indecision of whether to seek comfort in sorrow or making the choice to be happy.

I do not believe that choices can be right or wrong. All it requires is a simple act of courage to put a foot down on your decision, and never look back.

Sitting here feeling the wind whip wisps of hair across my face, watching my blank screen fill up with black words in lowercases, I think I’ve come to understand –

I have been much too sensitive to​ the happenings of the world. People are dying, lovers are breaking, tears are spilling, and it is more than I can take. I wish I could give pieces of myself to everybody who needs me but I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, and I cannot.

Change is a painful process. When I walk out of this storm, I will look back and realise why it was all necessary. It is only through destruction that we can be resurrected.

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